


I'll be good, I'll be all

by Rotkehlige



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rotkehlige/pseuds/Rotkehlige
Summary: It just had to end this way, right?





	I'll be good, I'll be all

How _utterly_ boring.

A monotone and seemingly infinite whirring vibrates in rather sticky air, the spinning chair’s priorly smooth and silent rotation now accompanied by a subtle scratching of clearly obsolete joints which becomes more and more prominent with the beginning of each turn. It is nothing, of course, merely an ever so tense android’s only method to reduce stress and strain instead of having a short-circuit while stuck in the laboratory.

He would love to roam through the colony right now, find himself a quiet spot just for himself like he’d usually do. To think, to let an ending winter’s cold cool his mind and let subconscious protocolls sort his thoughts.

This, though, does absolutely nothing about the sophisticated machine’s rather severe aggravation, all those unfortunate events from the last weeks of an equally unfortunate existence having ripped open wounds. Only for people to pour salt in them.

Another firm push forcefully sends the chair sidewards and out of an abusing being’s reach at last, a low growl accompanying the outbreak's ending while an innocent piece of furniture collides with an afterwards luckily undamaged bookshelf. All those folders and delicate figures, those gracing it and bringing at least some individuality into the otherwise typically scrambled lab—— they instantly fall to the ground with dominant thuds. That’s when the silent humming of an old song about everything oh so beautiful, blue skies and blue birds, ceases.

“Stop it now, Lore.“

Oh, now look at that. Such an admittedly childish maneuver finally gets the aureate-skinned robot some desperately desired attention. One way or another, as they say.

“Just me being myself,“ responds the android in an excessively defensive tone of voice, rolling both yellow-hued eyes as a clear sign of annoyance having taken over.

Lore nevertheless does approach yet another chaos of his own making, ready to clean to up the mess without any actual verbal request. It is way before the artificial colonist even manages it to lower himself onto a knee to gently pick up the fallen pieces of literature, a quiet but distinct sound of faint exasperation reaching him across the well-equipped workroom. It makes him freeze in mid-motion.

Already squinting eyes narrow into small slits within a moment solely, cranium soon snapping towards the sound’s source; a star scientist at his desk. Shortly are those perpetual attempts of sorting a mess of exactly thirty-two documents consisting of three hundred and seventy two pages observed by the much more attentive set of eyes. All those documents, he knows them. They vary from the usual experiment protocols to children’s drawings that fill this place from time to time. And yes ——they might have been the cause of that whispery sigh instead of the android’s cheeky remark for the old man never has had much of a fascination for senseless paperwork.

Still do whitish lips press into a thin line, displaying anything but amusement about the brilliant man’s struggles before parting in order to express suspicion composed of above-threshold allegations.

“Oh, so now that’s not good enough for you either?“

His voice is dripping with not just sarcasm but steadily and anything but slowly increasing anger, malfunctioning processors supporting such an attitude with a now stone-cold expression and baring teeth.

“Should I start acting? Walk around flat-out lying to everyone? Is that it?“

A small laugh is all his nagging receives at last, yet it fails at adding any more irritation to the android’s already quite agitated state. Lore’s visage actually softens in obvious confusion. His head tilts sidewards as soon as an ever so gentle scientist’s gaze meets his own.

“No, no, no. You should be honest, of course. Maybe also a little bit more modest.“

It is more than obvious that the well-aging man attempts a subtle reference to a merely some hours old incident outside of the lab, yet another serious controversy with the colonists making him drag his unnaturally impulsive machine back into the safety and isolation of the laboratory in order to avoid further complications. A logical decision, he’s said, giving everyone the opportunity to calm down, to think things through.

In Lore’s eyes, however, it is much more of a punishment for _him_ than anything else. It is always him who makes the mistakes and who suffers from the consequences all alone in the end —— always him. He is not defective, though. Or at least he does not exactly feel defective. He pursues logic perfectly and acts human, his ambition to fulfill his tasks of pleasing the biological lifeforms around him burning as bright as a star, especially since the integration of his emotion chip. 

No one compares to him anymore. 

Therefore, logic dedicates it oh so obviously, it is not him but the primitive colonists who cause one issue after another by not being able to get over themselves, rather ripping work out of the superior being’s eager hands instead of letting him complete it in a higher quality than they could ever dream of achieving, excluding him out of sheer fear of occasional, minor malfunctions. Oh, it angers him like nothing else that no one else seems capable of seeing and accepting it. How can they all be /this/ blind?

“And why? Just to soothe them and their jealousy?“

A huff then emitted from Soong’s mouth, still gentle and not nearly as sulky as other people’s spiteful noises whenever the machine confronts them with a painful truth.

“I’m better than them—— all of them. I’m more stronger than all their strongest men together and smarter as well, probably even smarter than you.“

His father already knows this truth, though, has always known it. And aside from everyone else, including even his dear ’mother’, the doctor accepts it. It actually does comforts Lore in some kind of way, yes, but it also provokes questions. In fact, Lore has often used to ask himself for which oh so important reason the man just refrains from making everyone else understand and accept his creation. Only after overhearing a short conversation between two other scientists on a day outside of the lab for some so-called ’field tests’ does the robot realize it. It’s been a typical scenario, a sight and subject everyone in the colony was used to apart from him.

Oh, yes. 

This paralyzing fear rushing through him after registering a hole in his arm after being shot by a phaser, on a luckily low setting, the panic while one of his limbs is tugged off with jerky motions in an attempt to immobilize him.He still remembers it all too well.

Straightening back to full height, the sophisticated machine leaves all the fallen pieces from the shelf behind —— ignored like the protests again him reaching Soong almost every day, also underneath the great amount of documents on the desk.A hand slides down his chest in order to smooth overly simple clothing, lips twisting into a smirk. It spreads on perfectly copied features while the artificial beings sways over towards his creator on the most intricate route possible, past various devices and pieces of furniture.

“Good, old _’Often-Wrong’_. You do know they call you such degrading names behind your back, don’t you?“

A vituperative tone guides these words, strikingly yellow eyes glinting with an expression somehow resembling the curve of his thin lips. It is not an attempt to mock his father, not really, but to open the old man’s eyes —— even if it takes some force.And as soon as Lore arrives right in front of the scientist’s desk at last, bending over and resting folding arms carelessly atop of the documents, their now leveling gazes meet at last.

“If you would want me to, you know —— I could solve this issue for once and forever,“ hums Lore quietly, only interrupting himself to crank his head abruptly into an unhealthily looking position. Oh, and there were many more interesting options, all developed thoroughly already.

“It is so easy, a mere child's play.“

That is it, something dark flashing up in the oddly glowing eyes of the machine in that moment, the formerly mischievous but essentially harmless smirk now sending chills down the spine of the cyberneticist. Several deep furrows appear on a forehead that is already marked by many sorrows, showing utter disbelief into the words and nuanced details on his greatest creation’s visage.

It is not the first time, questionable or even disturbing thoughts being uttered for which Noonien has not found the slightest solution nor reason yet. It all leaves him at a loss. This, though, this is a new and extremely unsettling level. 

“Is that what you've been talking about to them, Lore?“

All of the gloomy expression falters suddenly at this, hesitation oh so clearly showing itself on a whitish visage for the shortest moment —— only to be quickly overshadowed by an excusing smile, of course, which has always been able to soften a certain pair of scientists up in the past.

With a little shake of his head, fixing his posture and straightening his spine, does Lore back away from the desk, artificial being clasping each other in front of him. 

“No. No, of course not. It was just a silly joke. Sorry, I —“

It is obviously too late to expect a smile to fix things once more, to innocently claim all those sentences to mean something else than they suggest.

Grey eyes, full of concern, rest on the android’s face as the human pushes himself up at last and slowly pursues his first masterpiece‘s trail. Lore cannot escape, priorly evading each hurdle but now getting caught by yet another table behind him. His hands lower themselves, tightly grasping the edge of the table. He realizes quickly, having went too far this time without even intending to test any limits, leaping oh so enthusiastically over a line which each bit of his programming plus an ethical subroutine should have stopped him from crossing by all means. 

A robot like him, an android, is to please and serve and entertain them—— not to create schemes for their extermination, whether as a bad joke or not.

This woman, his dear mother, started fearing him for his comments and occasionally rather impulsive and entirely independent actions some time ago already, but not his father who kept and and kept on defending him.And now that is lost, too, Lore suspects.

“Sit down,“ orders Soong quietly, a gently tone replacing itself completely with worry. As unstable as the machine is, incapable of telling whether it was scientific or not, it is still anything than difficult to guess which question now racks the man's brain.

Silence ensues the strict command at first, an childishly innocent smile slowly but finally starting to subside. An priorly calm atmosphere gets more and more tense with every human, making even the  machine shift its weight uncomfortably from one leg onto the other one ’til obeying at last.

“It was a dumb thought, really—— a little mistake. I wouldn't ever do anything wrong willingly.“

While sinking right down onto chair after some slow sidesteps along the table, entangling fingers once again come together courteously in his lap while untruthful pleadings still slip out of the robot’s mouth in the hope of manipulating the situation. His xanthous gaze does not avert itself for a single second in the meantime, attentively observing the human version of his own visage for the slightest signs of weakness, of a change of mind. And while such an intense, visual inspection goes on and on, no other options available, a hand out of real flesh reaching out in search for an instruments at some point.

“You wouldn't listen to them, right?“

At last —— this does make the man stop, making their oh so similar and yet different eyes meet another time. Now it certainly is not the revelation of the century that the android himself knows of the things everyone talks; his deactivation. People say it is the only option to restore the peace reigning in the colony, badgering the Soong-family with it since weeks just as much as they also taunt the brilliant cybernetic for his small mistakes. 

They do not know, though, that those words truly hurt the two of them on the inside each time.

A sigh almost slips past Lore’s thin lips in relief about growing compassion in the other’s narrowing gaze, certain that the right words and perfectly fearful tone has been found. This sad smile curving on the man’s thinning lips right afterwards, though, as well as the gentle palm patting his shoulder in a gesture of comfort prevents the sound from escaping his throat.

“It’s all right, Lore. Open your mouth.“ It is a lie, he recognizes that tone immediately.

Yet his jaw promptly drops— instinctively and fully obedient due to sustaining shock about the turn of events. Well, he certainly isn’t bored anymore. Is it fear daring to creep up on him, almost succeeding? He remains still and silent, letting his father turn and reach out with fingers soon finding what they were originally searching for this time without a single interruption. Soon does the man insert a delicate tool into into the android's throat with cautious and precise motions.

A lie. A _goddamn_ lie. 

It echoes through Lore’s always busy mind over and over again, instability allowing rising emotions to take over.

Everyghing inside him knows it does not mean anything good. Oh —— but two are able to play this game, old man.

And Lore knows exactly just how easily winning it actually is, being ready to do whatever it takes to be the last one laughing while others back away in sheer sentiment. Just a simple message with a simple set of coordinates is enough already. It is typed down in his mind, sent through space. He already sees in in front of him; expressions full of astonishment and fear. Would anyone ever find out of just what the robot found himself to be able of? A way to communicate with something yet unknown to this folk, something yet far away? Over a long time was Lore capable of resisting a constant urging from an undefinable force sneaking into his head again and again, not giving in to this entity’s sweet pleadings, not giving anything away.

Now, well, it was only a bit of a shame.

Apparently, Lore would not get the chance to see the beauty of the crystalline life form itself upon its arrival, to finally join his impressively mighty friend on its journey after seeing faces full of horror upon realizing what is upon them —— that he wouldn't get to watch it as it fed on the whole planet and its jealousy-driven inhabitants. It does not matter anymore, though. A lethal force is on its way, ready to revenge him in exchange for nothing more than a world.

“An error, somewhere there must be one. I don’t know yet,“ he mumbles with a frown adding somemore wrinkles on the man’s forehead. “I will find it. Now don’t be afraid, Lore—— I promise to fix it.“

Gently does one warm hand at his jaw, free from work and resting there only to keep the android’s head from moving, cup a cheek. It’s another lie, making Lore want nothing more than to flap it away.

Aureate eyes cannot do anything, though, only staring right into those serving as their design input. A faint rumbling in the back of his head is the only thing interrupting the silence after Soong's momentarily retreat, the thin instrument leaving his mouth solely in order to be swapped with another one.

Usually reliable systems inform Lore only then about several by-passed security subroutines while one after another shuts down, warnings flashing up in his lane of sight. It starts differently than usually, most likely due to this most deceitful method, with control over his own body being taken from him first of all. A repetitive twitching of his left eye and mouth corner follows, Lore’s anger turning into panic about an forced, upcoming shut down. It almost shows itself on his expression and it would have if it weren’t for his whole body becoming stiff.

A single tear runs down his cheek as, for the first time, the living machine clearly realizes that this is actually his end. Soon enough it is wiped away by the back of a hand, another senseless attempt to soothe him.

“Let's try this. You used to sing this one song over and over again. Which one was it? Whatever you were doing and wherever you were, you were singing it. And your foolish old man still cannot remember it.“

Only a crackling noise becomes audible to mock the man’s attempt to distract him, distract him from something he cannot possibly ignore in any way. Why not let the android suffer a little more, after all.

Yet a memory drags itself towards a fading consciousness. He sees it all in front him again. His spot far behind the field’s of the colony, discovered only due to a tendency to run away, to try to get away from everyone unhappy with him and exist with only his thoughts breaking the silence.

The winter is the best time for it, people hiding in the warmth rather than wandering around during day and night and observe snowflakes gracing their entire surroundings, glistening in both natural and artificial light so beautifully. Lore can feel the tingling of the frozen particles meeting his skin again, sees a piece of paper in his hands, hears himself —— and he feels cold.

Only that it’s not himself, but his father trying to sing a song that isn’t quite with him anymore. Surprisingly, though, Lore feels anger and subside slowly.

_“To begin or to remain, are the questions of the day. We are just beginning now. There's a star in your eyes, smiling with fire.“_

It does not take much longer until all of his artificial sensory function deactivate themselves, too, the world slowly vanishing around him. It leaves him with one thought only and, indeed, fear to hold on to while Soong starts working on the circuits at the back of his head, formerly been hidden under his dark hair. 

_“Turn it all around,“_ whispers the machine, a priorly smooth voice now accompanied by the quiet rustling of statics. He still sees the smile given to him, but does not know what it does to him.

_“Flip that frown upside down. Let it be, like a trough."_

An unavoidable unconsciousness catches up with a desperate mind at last, dragging the sentient robot into a deep darkness from which escaping is simply impossible. Audio processors fail at last, missing out one the last lines whispered towards him. His mind isn’t capable of sorting informations the right way anyway anymore, only a last thought tumbling out of his mouth.

_“I'll be good, I'll be all.“_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
